Life and .........? A time to reflect.

R.I.P Mr Keane ...

I am sitting here wondering how to start this. The 28th of each month marks my loc's anniversary.
Unfortunately, something else now marks that time..

Yet another one of my colleagues has passed away, suddenly. Out of respect for his family and his memory and privacy, I will say no more than that. Tomorrow school has been closed as a mark of respect.

This has been a year. I don't really know what to say. I could express my current feelings but in cyberspace and the world of blogs, one is never sure who reads.

Last year I had four weddings, literally in a row. the thought of ... and a funeral came to mind, but I pushed it aside. How could I know that one of the grooms would be gone almost 10 weeks after his wedding day? AND we would be attending the same hall for his wake?

J was a GOOD friend, and my writing partner, and my carrier of all things heavy (especially my box of books that I had to mark) every time I struggle alone with my stuff I remember and miss him. ( I miss him so much recently) oh and in need of a word or a 5 minute prayer, he was there. My gentle giant friend.
The sudden death of Mr Keane has bought it ALL back, not that it had gone anywhere, I was just learning how NOT to feel the pain so much. I feel this quote,

''It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone."

Well, I am a black woman, who suffers from keloid scaring, to sum it all up 2 deaths, 2 colleagues (friends) 8 months 8 days apart, exactly.

It didn't end there, and things ... life occurances ... deteriorated.

Just after that event, I volunteered to cover a tricky class at school until the end of the school year, I was asked if it were a 'wise' idea to take on the task. I enthused that God had opened the way and that he would make provision. what a BIG MOUTH!

Well from the MINUTE I stepped into that role it has been a RELENTLESS onslaught!!! Not a moment without pressure and stress. It has had most of our staff at breaking point.

To be honest ... I began to question my understanding of God and how he works. I questioned and doubted every minute, that it really was not him that put me there... and everything else too.

We were anticipating, dreading the next OFSTED visit. Then suddenly ... it happened. The day AFTER we found out that mr K had hours left in this life ... we had a 2 day visit.

What great timing eh? Yeah like I said , It has been an absolutely wonderful year ......!

I was just numb ... got into work at six a.m and got on with it. At nine thirty that morning, one of the inspectors walked into my classroom. (numb).  The lady was pleasant. (numb). I did what I usually do, taught my class (numb).... at the end I asked for a feedback slot at the end of the day. ???

(That morning a little bird informed me that 85% of my class had acheived a  pass or above  in assessments. Our results were top out of the 5 classes.)

At the end of the day the Inspector ran down the criteria list, I truly only expexcted a satisfactory, because thats all I got from school, and inspectors are notoriously stringent. The year had been tough. 

Good, good, good ... were her words.

I raised my eyebrow, oh! Ok ... thank you umm, eyebrow raised.

Oh she said, didnt I want to know what would have made me outstanding .... ?

GUESS what I said? Erm no ... erm ... thats fiie ... ...

Oh No no no, was her reply, I think its important. ' ...  Just a little bit more paired talk!'  was what she said. (kids talking through the subject)
She ran through everything that she said I had done well, which was almost EVERYTHING! apart from that one thing ... snm???

Soooo I would have been outstanding if she had walked in 5 minutes earlier? ok then ... so technically ...
I am already there ... right? ... hmmm. ok.

After this whole year, I guess God decided that nothing could hold back what I was to have...

Another quote ...

http://njoi41.blogspot.com/2010/07/daily-devotional-at-midnight-rhema.html

Paul and Silas were called by God to take the gospel into the region of Macedonia
However, when they got there, instead of wide open doors, like they might have expected, they ran into a season of opposition!
They are locked up and in chains because they were at the place God wanted them to be, doing the very thing God told them to do. What I love about Paul and Silas is that they still had faith in God. The text does not say they were crying and angry but that they were praying and singing praises. Remember you are where He wants you to be. It’s not time to put your faith in the things you see but put to your faith in the God who holds you in His hand.
 
So I guess in the end God will ALWAYS have his way ...  despite the hell we go through.
 
'... aint no givin up, I gotta to go on, though my way, it gets HARDER, I know i can make it, I know i can take it, think i can make it ... IF i just keep holding on ... '

Mr Keane R.I.P. ........................................ J.H love n miss u much mate :,(